4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
