I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
