he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
So many bounce houses so little time
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I supernannyed him into submission
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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