if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
