You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
