Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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