he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
