I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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