What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
