he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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