Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
