I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
