i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
