conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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