here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
