just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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