He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
