she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
