Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
