You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
