I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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