We won't sleep together?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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