dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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