Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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