I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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