Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
