I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize