I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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