apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
