I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
