and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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