The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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