This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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