Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
