She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
