and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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