sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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