your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
