it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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