I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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