My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
