areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
