I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
