I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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