whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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