u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
do herpes really smell.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
