We're like a lot better than the average bears
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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