Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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