you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
