Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
