That's intense
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
