My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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