Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
