just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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