until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
