I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
