You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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