So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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