and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i love accidental penises.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
