grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize