life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
