I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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