my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
she told me i tasted like america
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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