mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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