It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
