I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
