Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
