Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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